I thought it would be fun to give a little insight to those who don't know me or don't know me well. I bet if you do know me there will still be some fun nuggets in here to digest. I'll probably update this when I remember things I missed and new things or old things I want to share. This should be interesting...
I'm complicated. I'm messy. I'm a walking contradiction. I'm a woman, sister, daughter, wife, mother, friend, lover, performer, artist, theatrical madwoman, theatrical renaissance woman, barefoot tree hugger, bubble enthusiast, pluviophile, physically sensual sapiosexual, ambivert, muse, vegetarian, adventurer, Empath, complicated light being filled with love and light and darkness.
I have misophonia- I can't handle "mouth sounds." Smacking, chewing with ones mouth open, a talking mouth that needs water, crunching...these are just some of the sounds that send my brain overboard. It actually hurts. People think it's just a small annoyance or that I'm being rude but it's so deep. It's not just nails on a chalkboard for me; it's bone crushing. I have dyscalculia- when I say I'm not good at math I mean it. It's kind of like dyslexia but for math. My brain freezes and my anxiety sky rockets. I was diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, misophonia, and dyscalculia after my children were born. These diagnoses have given me so much validation and a place to move forward from. I don't take meds for any of these gifts. They are a part of my human experience and they are part of what makes me unique. I healed myself of fibromyalgia with diet, supplements, and movement- thank you Medical Medium. Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday. My birthday is also my favorite holiday. I love long deep talks with people I love (especially in the front seat of my car in the middle of the night IYKYK or around a bonfire) and music and dancing and the redwoods. I love horse back riding. I love camping. I love kayaking although I prefer water activities to be in the form of a shower, bath, lazy river, or hot tub. I only like some water slides. I hate water parks. People are nasty and I don't like shivering in line. I am controversially an anti-vaxxer. I am also controversially pro-choice. Medical freedom of every kind regardless of my own opinions is too important to me. If you are not like minded, that's ok. I accept that you may have a different view than me but I'm not open to debate on medical freedom. I am inclusive. I don't include to the point of exclusivity. IYKYK. I'm working on "listening to understand" not necessarily to agree. I think this is something lost in our cancel culture society these days. I believe cancel culture is different than not allowing toxic behavior into your life. Let's talk about sometime. I'm polyamorous. I consider it a super power. I don't usually wear deodorant or sunscreen. This is not my natural hair color. I love Disney- Mary Poppins is my number one favorite movie of all time ever. Peter Pan, Toy Story 2, Parent Trap (with Haley Mills obviously), and Pollyanna are some other top tens. Meet Me in St Louis, Singin in the Rain, and just about every movie with Judy Garland, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Ann Miller....oh you get it. MGM musicals are where it's at! I love Harry Potter- the 1st movie, 3rd, 5th, and 6th books are my fave. Animals. I love 'em. Pretty much all of 'em. However, I'm a dog person, not a cat person. Nothing personal, I'm just deathly allergic to cats and dogs are better. I love a cold beach. I love stars. I prefer night time to day time. I prefer winter to summer. It's on my bucket list to see the aurora borealis. Also on my bucket list- to visit all of the Disney parks. So far I've only been to Land and Euro. I love sunrises but I have only witnessed a few because getting up early is harder than staying up late. But I also love to sleep so I can't stay up late enough to be up early enough to see the sunrise. It's a conundrum. I love road trips. I love hotels. I love airplanes. I wanted to be a flight attendant. I might still do that one day. I like to learn new things for fun. I've wanted to change my name for as long as I can remember. I'm still planning on it, I'm just waiting for the right one to find me. I'm considering consulting the Kabalarians for guidance on this as I'd like something that will support my spiritual and financial growth. I love food. I hate overly spicy vegetarian or vegan food- I think it's a cop out for not knowing flavor variations and salting dishes properly. Good salt changes everything. I prefer texting because talking on the phone gives me anxiety. But I prefer talking in person over texting or calling so I can feel your energy better and read your non verbal cues. I'm a kinesthetic learner. I need hugs but I'm oddly not very touchy feely. I used to be more so before kids. I make acquaintances easily. Strangers often tell me their life stories. I think of death and dying daily. I think of suicide regularly. It's called suicidal ideation. It accompanies my OCD. It's part of the obsessive thinking not the compulsive acting. I have no fear of it. I'm not afraid of much. I actually can't think of anything I'm afraid of...moths. It's not a fear really, I just don't like unpredictable flitty things. Flitty bugs unnerve me. I like worms in the garden. I like pulling weeds from damp and lose soil. I like green. I like rain but I don't like drying off my dogs when they come in from outside after it rains. I love my bare feet feeling things. My favorite color is rainbow sparkle. If you don't think that's a color that's unfortunate for you. I like eating at restaurants but I usually find it a waste because I can make it better at home. I enjoy popcorn and tea almost every night before bed. I will binge watch television but movies are hard for me to sit through. I like nachos at the movie theatre. I ate a ton of Greek food and fresh squeezed orange and carrot juice when I was pregnant with Hazel. I ate movie theatre candy when I was pregnant with Violet. No joke- Hot Tamales, Jujubes, Dots, Junior Mints, Good N Plenty, Reese's Pieces- we had a bowl of it all above the refrigerator. I used Hypnobabies for both pregnancies and births and it changed my life. Giving birth was so easy because I had my Hypnobabies tools. I am an avid reader and I'm usually reading and listening to multiple books at a time. I only listen to 2 podcasts as of now. Both of them are self help/relationship focused. I read all of Shakespeare's plays between 2nd and 8th grade by choice. Midsummer Night's Dream is my favorite and I've been lucky enough to play Puck and Titania. I do well in areas of my choosing. I do not do well when forced to participate in anything I do not find logic and joy in. I don't trust perceived authority. The government as we know it is nonsense. Conspiracy theorists are usually right in the end. When I give I give too much. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm brutally honest. I'm working on having a filter and using it. I'm working on setting and holding boundaries. It's an ongoing process. I'm working on my relationship with money. I'm working on my relationship with myself. I'm working on my relationship with my husband. I'm working on healing generational trauma and generational denial and anything else generational that I unknowingly inherited and don't want. I didn't have very many role models. I was raised Catholic. It allowed me to accept Pagan ritual as normal so now when I'm casting spells (praying) I have no concern about lighting incense, candles, using essential oils in the diffuser, creating an alter, or using oracle cards for guidance. I take my grandmother to mass almost every Sunday. She can't remember how I'm related to her but we have good times together. It has given me so much new insight into Catholicism and confirmed that my returning to my ancestors earth and universe and cyclical centered beliefs are truest for me. I am grateful to be able to see the connections between all religions and grateful to find what works for me in many of them. I have had several awakenings. I have had several dark nights of the soul. I am a lucid dreamer. I can read in my dreams. I can often control my dreams. I am usually aware that I'm dreaming while in my dreams. I speak and understand French fluently in my dreams. I dreamt Devin three times before we met. I get messages and visions from my dreams but not predictions. My great grandmother visits me regularly in dreams. My grandfather comes to squeeze my feet before bed some nights and he sends me two specific songs. An old friend of my dad's who was like an uncle to me often appears to me in crowds. An old friend of mine's grandfather sends me a particular song. I lost 32 two people before I turned 32. I have been to more funerals than weddings. I want to be cremated and I want Corner of the Sky from Pippin sung at my Energy Shift Celebration. I want everyone to wear rainbow colors. I'd love for people to write me letters letting me know how I impacted their lives before I die so I can review my life from other people's eyes. I don't want grandchildren. I feel really good about my family ending with my children. I look forward to them growing up. I like seeing each stage of their lives. I have no desire to go backwards and yet I'm constantly exploring how my past made me who I am today. I'm also kind of obsessed with my genealogy. I'm 100% white. It makes me laugh every time. Time is a construct. I'm an Aries Sun, Capricorn Moon, Cancer Rising. Ravenclaw. Enneagram 4. Manifesting Generator. Arcturian Starseed. Generally exhausted from the heaviness of my human suit. Oh, and I love you.
Love, Courtney
PS I've already thought of more things to add to this...oy.
